


A Cactus Walks into an Apartment Building

by London9Calling



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 11:32:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5926881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/London9Calling/pseuds/London9Calling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chanyeol is an apartment building janitor having the worst day ever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Cactus Walks into an Apartment Building

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for [puppiesinlove round 2015.](http://puppiesinlove.livejournal.com/2188.html)

It started with a cactus resting on top of a row of metal mailboxes, an oddity made all that much odder by the small plastic toy sticking out of the dirt.

“Property of Kim Jongin.” Chanyeol read the label slowly, narrowing his eyes at the tiny green army toy halfway planted in the cactus’s pot.

“I have allergies!” The elderly woman asserted once again, pointing a crooked finger at the unruly and spiny plant. “You better get that out of here or I am calling the landlord.”

Park Chanyeol recognized a challenge when he saw one. He also recognized when a challenge wasn’t worth challenging. “Yes, ma’am. Right away.” He picked up the spiny plant. “Sorry ma’am, it won’t happen again.”

“It better not,” the woman deadpanned, opening her mailbox while shooting Chanyeol a dirty look.

The janitor backed off, taking the plant with him. It was time for him to retreat back to the bat cave, or janitor’s room to be more accurate. When he entered the cramped closet-like space he set the cactus down on his workbench, forgetting about it as he went back to working on the pipe issue for unit 315. Cleaning out the white metal tubing and screwing the pieces together had Chanyeol so engaged he missed the door to his workroom opening.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in charge of keeping this place clean?” A man, #207, as Chanyeol knew him as (thanks to his habit of remembering apartment numbers and not names), held up a fish. A goldfish to be exact, and the man wasn’t holding him so much as he was lifting up a fishbowl, tapping the glass.

“Where did you find that?” Chanyeol stopped fidgeting with the piping, perplexed at where #207 came up with a wayward fish bowl.

“On top of the washing machine.” The man grumbled, shoving the fishbowl forward, his actions so strong and fast some water sloshed form the bowl. Chanyeol rushed forward to take the bowl, afraid the small fish might be hurt if too much water was spilled.

“Keep a better watch on the place or I am calling the landlord!” #207 slammed the door on his way out. Chanyeol jumped at the loud noise, cursing his own actions when some more water spilled.

“Sorry little guy.” Chanyeol set the fishbowl on his work counter. He bent over to take a look at the fish. The chubby orange fish was swimming back and forth in a lazy pattern, seemingly unfazed by recent events. As Chanyeol peeked into the fishbowl he noticed a white label on the underside. Chancing lifting the bowl up in the air, he peeked at the label. “Property of Kim Jongin,” he read, setting the bowl down gently on the table. Who was Kim Jongin and why were his possessions scattered all over the apartment building?

Chanyeol would need to check the resident list and find out which unit number the man lived in. He had probably run into him at least a dozen times but knew him by his unit number, not his name. Spending two years as the full time janitor for a sixty four unit apartment building had done that to him – people moved too frequently for Chanyeol to memorize names; it was easier to associate them with the unit they lived in.

A shrill ring sounded, Chanyeol half tripping as he lurched towards the phone. One of the problems of being a full time janitor at an apartment building was that he was perpetually busy, the only frontline staff in the place. People treated him more like a landlord and less like a janitor, calling him with every little complaint.

“Hello!”

“Is someone missing a cat?”

“Pardon?” Chanyeol twirled the phone cord, adding to the dozen of kinks that already shortened the twelve foot line.

“Cat?! IS SOMEONE MISSING A CAT?!”

“Not that I know of.” Chanyeol answered.

“Then get this stray out of here!”

“Where is the cat, ma’am?”

“Third floor!”

Chanyeol heard the click and set the phone down. It wasn’t out of place for him to be hung up on. He sighed, wiping his sweaty palms on his overalls he nodded towards the fish. “Be right back, hang in there, little buddy.”

A trudge down a few flights of stairs and Chanyeol was haunting the halls of the third floor, looking for a wayward feline. He found the tortoiseshell cat crouched down near a potted plant, hissing as he neared the animal. Chanyeol really didn’t want to be scratched, he pulled the sleeves of his work overalls down as he crept in. “I am here to help kitty. I like kitties. Kitty, kitty.”

A loud, annoyed meow was the only retribution Chanyeol received when he plucked the cat from its position, cradling it in his arms. He was thankful that he wasn’t scratched, even happier when he heard the cat start to purr. He held the cat close, taking the stairs two at a time as he returned to his work room.

Closing the door he set the cat down, a big mistake once he realized there was a fish sitting on his worktable. Scrambling he moved the fishbowl on top of the tallest shelf, attempting to block the cat’s path towards a potentially tasty meal. The cat, thankfully, seemed more interested in lazing around, plopping down on the rubber mat in the room and stretching.

“Who do you belong to, kitty?” Chanyeol noticed a tag on the cat’s collar. Examining the golden, heart shaped tag he read “Kim Jongin.”

Just who was this Kim Jongin, and why was he leaving stuff all over the building?! Chanyeol returned to his search for the resident list, needing very much to contact the man who was the source of three of his last three complaints. The problem was that he often misplaced the clipboard containing the list. Half of the time it was buried under a mountain of tools on his work table.

Chanyeol spotted an edge of the clipboard, jutting out from under a pile of piping. Success! He was about to pull the nefarious list out when the riffs of Metallica’s One sounded, his ringtone blaring loud and heavy, just the way he liked it. Pulling the phone from his front pocket he saw that it was the owner of the building, Do Kyungsoo. After a few drawn out groans he answered.

“Hello!”

“Chenyeol-“

“It is Chanyeol. C-H-A-N-Y-“

“We have a problem.”

“What is it?” Chanyeol braced himself, worried.

“I think there has been a mass murder on the eighth floor.”

“What?!”

“Shhh. Keep calm. We shouldn’t alarm the residents.” Kyungsoo’s voice was too calm. “There is a large pool of red liquid creeping into the hallway, out of unit 874. I saw it from the video camera.”

“Wait…you watch the hallway cams from home?” Chanyeol couldn’t believe it.

“Chenyeol, this is my building, I have to watch over it.” Kyungsoo answered matter-of-factly. “Now get up there and figure out if a crime has been committed. If it has call me back before you call the cops.”

“Wait?! What?”

“Bye, Chenyeol, I am putting my faith in you.” Click.

Chanyeol stared at his phone for at least a minute, not believing what had just occurred. The cat meowed, rubbing itself against the rug.

“Be…right back?” Chanyeol exhaled, puffing out his cheeks. It was certainly turning out to be a very unexpected day. Mass murder, cats, goldfish, a cactus…Chanyeol glanced at his work table, picking up a long piece of piping just in case. If there was a murderer on the loose he would need to fight back, with Kyungsoo watching – apparently. He hoped the landlord would be more lenient when it came to calling the cops if his janitor was attacked – but the man had always been a bit odd. Chanyeol grabbed a second section of pipe just in case. He glanced back at the cactus, fish, and cat once more, hoping he would survive the encounter. He didn’t want them to go hungry if he was taken out of commission.

Unit 874, he knew that the tenant had just moved in a few days ago. He didn’t recall meeting 874 before.

Chanyeol crept up the stairs, no longer feeling the need to take them two at a time. He paused in front of the eighth floor door, pumping himself up with a pep talk. After a few minutes he twisted the door handle. Holding the pipes up he nudged the door open with his shoulder. He stared down the hall. When he spotted the red liquid, pooling, creeping out of unit 874 he braced himself. Chanyeol crept towards the unit, his grip on the piping so tight it was beginning to hurt his hands.

Upon further inspection the red liquid was thick, lighter than Chanyeol imagined blood to be. Yet, he had never seen this much blood before- perhaps he was mistaken. He pulled out his cell phone, no longer caring what Kyungsoo wanted. He wasn’t stupid enough to walk into the scene of a horrendous crime. He dialed the emergency number, explaining the situation.

The operator told Chanyeol to back off and meet the responding police officers at the front door of the building. Chanyeol made his way down the stairs, beeps sounding on his cell as Kyungsoo no doubt called to complain about his lack of uncovering the potential mass murder before the police arrived.

It was less than three minutes before the first officer arrived, her quick action no doubt spurred by the report of a potential murder. It was less than thirty seconds later when four more squad cars arrived, lights flashing and sirens blaring.

Chanyeol explained what he had seen and where to the officers, wringing his hands nervously as he reported the potential bloodbath they would be walking into. He was told to stay near the entrance, the officers, guns drawn, entered the building.

It was a tense fifteen minutes before the officers returned, Chanyeol shocked to see smiles on their face.

“Is everyone okay?!” Chanyeol rushed forward, confused and still scared.

“It is paint, sir. A resident spilled red paint.” One of the officers reached out and patted Chanyeol’s arm. “Thank you for calling us, though. Please, report suspicious situations as they arise.”

Chanyeol nodded, rather dumbly, he thought later, watching as the officers got back in their police cars and drove off- sirens no longer blaring.

Chanyeol’s phone buzzed for the umpteenth time, the annoyance and reality of the situation causing him to finally answer it. “Yes?!”

“Hey, hey, Chen. Calm down.”

“It was paint…” Chanyeol reported, embarrassed.

“Why do you think I told you to wait to call the cops?!”

Chanyeol gave his phone a death look, unable to show Kyungsoo the same.

“I saw that.” The landlord deadpanned from the other end of the line.

“Stop watching the cameras from home – it is creepy and my name is CHANYEOL CHAN FREAKING YEOL GET IT RIGHT!” Chanyeol yelled, pushing the disconnect button and signaling his first act of sub- ordinance. Stalking back into the building he huffed up several flights of stairs, almost slamming the door to his workroom until he remembered he had to keep the noise down – it was well past ten o’clock at night.

Clenching his fists and exhaling in short and strong breaths, Chanyeol walked towards his work table and kicked the leg, letting out a series of frustrated grunts as he stomped his foot on the ground.

A shrill meow snapped Chanyeol out of his meltdown, the janitor watching as the cat approached the door to the workroom and began to claw at it.

“No.” Chanyeol walked forward, attempting to scoop the cat up. The cat swiped, claws bared, causing the janitor to back off. “Fine! But you aren’t going out.”

A subtle knock sounded on the door to the workroom. The cat stayed calm while Chanyeol jumped yet again. His nerves were a mess after the events of the evening. Approaching the door, Chanyeol nudged the cat away with his foot. The feline wouldn’t budge, swiping at him again. Another soft knock signaled an impatient visitor.

Not wanting to end up with claws dug into his leg, Chanyeol took a chance. “Come in.”

The door opened, the cat surprisingly not bounding outside at the introduction of freedom. Instead the cat jumped into the visitor’s arms, purring so loudly that Chanyeol could hear it clearly from halfway across the room.

“Sehun, where did you run off to?” The man cradled the cat, tsking at the animal. “You never even found Minseok!”

Chanyeol found that his limbs seemed like useless appendages. He suddenly didn’t know what to do with his hands or his legs or his face. Wait, his face wasn’t an appendage. What was an appendage?

The man turned his attention from the cat to Chanyeol, flashing a million dollar smile. Chanyeol gulped, a perfectly bronzed face, chestnut eyes, big lips, an amazing brow line…why, he wondered, did he not call in sick today?! Netflix would be so much more interesting- no, safe, definitely safer than this.

Illuminated by the hall light behind him, a soft glow from Chanyeol’s work lamps providing the perfect soft lighting playing off his face, the man appeared almost ethereal. Chanyeol knew he was done for. Completely and totally screwed.

“I came to apologize.” The man looked shy, his million dollar smile transforming into a sheepish grin, his eyes downcast. “I caused quite the commotion.”

Chanyeol noticed the red and white paint streaks on his face, his arms, his white V-neck t-shirt. Chanyeol couldn’t help it, he looked downwards, noticing the multi-color paint stains on his skinny jeans. And he was barefoot. Oh…Chanyeol moved his eyes quickly upward, a pair of bare feet doing more to him than they should.

“It- it was you?” Chanyeol cleared his throat, stuttering as he attempted to piece together everything that had happened.

“Ah, yes.” The man set the cat down, the animal quickly rubbing against his leg. He dragged his left hand through his unruly brown hair, Chanyeol noticing chips of paint were matted in his locks. “I am really sorry. I was working on my latest project and I kicked over a paintcan. I will pay for any damages, of course!”

“That’s okay, I forgive you.” Chanyeol answered lamely. Even if he had been scared half to death by the whole situation, it seemed fruitless to hold a grudge when all was said and done. Plus…the man was amazing to stare at, which may have influenced his propensity to show mercy at least a little bit.

“Thank you, and I am really sorry, seriously.”

Chanyeol nodded, quickly remembering what he should be saying. “Are you Kim Jongin?” Chanyeol knew as much considering the man owned the cat, yet he was not ready to hand over the fish and the cactus without verbal confirmation.

“Yes. How did you know?!” Jongin raised an eyebrow, a shy smile driving Chanyeol to avert his eyes lest he fall further into the pits of hell.

“Just, um a – a guess.” Chanyeol walked over to the shelving, retrieving the fishbowl. “I think this is yours. The cactus on the table too.”

“You found them!” Jongin rushed to take the fishbowl, smiling widely at the cactus. “I thought I had lost them!”

“How..do you lose a cat, a fish, and a cactus?” Chanyeol, burgeoning crush aside, was genuinely curious.

“Oh, well.” Jongin blushed, Chanyeol picking up the red tint to his cheeks under the low work lighting, finding the entire show far too endearing. “I misplaced Edna, my cactus. Minseok here,” Jongin patted the fishbowl lovingly, “Loves to look at the cactus so I thought maybe he could help me find her. I think I forgot him though, when I realized Sehun got out. I guess the kitty doesn’t like his buddy Minseok being taken from him.”

“Your fish and your cat are friends? And your fish is friends with...your cactus?” Chanyeol was perplexed, maybe a little bit afraid, but most definitely interested.

“Yes, more or less.” Jongin rubbed the back of his neck, looking embarrassed. “Hey, as a gesture of apology, can I buy you a meal? Dinner maybe?”

Chanyeol nodded. “Dinner is cool.”

“Tomorrow night, maybe? I mean, if you are free. I have to get this painting done or my boss will kill me.”

“Tomorrow night is great.” Chanyeol answered, his words coming out in monotone due to the shock and awe he was feeling.

“See you tomorrow. Thanks again…”

“Chanyeol.” He extended his hand, waiting for Jongin to take it.

“Thanks Chanyeol. You are my hero.” Jongin smiled brightly as he shook Chanyeol’s hand, his hand lingering a minute longer than necessary before he pulled away. “I look forward to dinner.”

Chanyeol watched the strange man go, cactus in one arm, fish bowl in another, cat walking alongside him. If Chanyeol didn’t know any better, he would think he was in complete and total love. Okay, fine, he sighed- he was at least ninety nine percent in love.


End file.
